I have been a mother for 3 years, 2 months, 3 weeks and 5 days. It doesn’t really sound like a long time and if you were to use that time frame for anything else it wouldn’t seem long. But as a mother it is a long time. A life time. 3 years, 2 months, 3 weeks and 5 days I have been responsible for a little person. 100% completely responsible for another life. That is just unreal! Then we added another one to the mix, 13 months after the first. I have two little people who rely on me for everything (and their father, obviously). Their whole lives revolve around me. Saying that out loud puts so much into perspective.
Some days are so good. We all wake in happy moods. Meals are eaten with little fuss, the kids actually listen to me, we play inside, we play outside and Noah is gentle with Siena. Lots of kisses and cuddles are exchanged, we play games, read books and make crafts. I am able to workout without interruptions, we get some household chores done and I can cook dinner without meltdowns.
And then some days I just want space. I don’t want little hands all over me, I am tired of throwing out yet another meal that got picked apart, thrown on the fall and barely nibbled at, there are meltdowns when I am cooking dinner and it’s a fight to put them in the bath and then a fight to get them out, I wish for my own time; time alone to work out or to sit and drink my coffee while it’s hot. Then when they are tucked up in bed I regret my reactions that day. Each night I scroll through my camera feed and tell Joe all of the little stories and funny things that happen that day. And then the day doesn’t seem so bad after all.
From the beauty of the internet or more specifically, Instagram, I have realized comparison is the devil . There are so many different types of mums out there. Theres the ultra cool mums, the high fashion mums, the travel mums, the hippy mums, the hipster mums, the religious mums, the athletic mums, the plant-based mums, the all natural mums, the yoga mums….the many many types of mums. I really don’t know where I fit in on the mum scale, but, I do know a happy, well-edited, well-timed, well-photographed picture does not necessarily mean that mum is perfect or not experiencing the same difficulties you are. And they don’t have to apologise for those happy, envious pictures either! it’s just that, a photo and really everyone wants to look at positive things!
Motherhood is hard. Period. (see mummy guilt) And it can be isolating at times too. But it is also just life. I couldn’t imagine my life without these two precious little people. No mother could. So, for now, I have to take each bad day with the good. I am everything to my children, their best friend, their warmth, their comfort, their bedtime story, their protector, their guide, their teacher, their nurse, their world.
Those chances to work out alone will come one day. I will sit and have coffee in peace. Little hands won’t be pulling at me or making mess or being loud in the background. They will no longer want to be my shadow and want to know what I am doing – including on the toilet – every.single.day. Sticky hand prints won’t be decorating my windows or kitchen cupboards. Those days are so far off but I often am reminded how short life is with the news stories of today.
I am not sure exactly where I was going with this post, I was just feeling all the feels today and wanted to write something. 6am starts can do that to you 😉
Bottom line, be kind to yourself. Motherhood is forever. Whether your child is new or old, here or passed, accomplished or finding their way, all you can do is your best.
Also, whilst trying to find a photo of the kids and I, I realised I have very few!? How is that possible. So, going forward I will be making Joe take more photos of me with them…every mother should have more photos with their kids!